I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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