speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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