this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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