And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
