So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Someone signed my nipple.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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