she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
