From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize