I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I supernannyed him into submission
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
