you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize