He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
