i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
