Will you blow on my dice?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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