I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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