Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
