My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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