you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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