i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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