I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
