My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
