im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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