Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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