Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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