I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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