it was like his penis was on wheels.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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