I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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