I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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