SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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