Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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