I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
