If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize