Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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