You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
