i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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