You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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