I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
