you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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