does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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