Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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