we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
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There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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