my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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