Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
