You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
