I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
