Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
