There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
