Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
