we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
