You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
