at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
