Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
