i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
