You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
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Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Congratulations! We have a period
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize