Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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