her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
