he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
