sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
