Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
