There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
