He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Every concussion has its silver lining
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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