NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
