I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
