My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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