he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
