i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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