Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Someone signed my nipple.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
