You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
is it fun? or sober?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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