i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
