I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
