That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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