you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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