My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
