her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
