Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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